I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. I miss him so much and find myself crying lots.I want him back and I know that its impossible. I was only 49. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. I go to the grave site daily. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. I know your husband is with you in spirt. Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. I feel like my pain relatively same and I would like to contact Emma J Andrews. Thank you to everyone who has posted. Please know that I will keep all of you in my prayers and hopes for your own grief process. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. In February he will have been gone for two years, and while I have accepted the fact that he is gone, I feel so hollowed out. The light has gone out of the world, and itll never shine again. I feel badly about all the people who are still grieving as much as I am. I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. After being married for 42 years. I try to take steeps forward. They have kept me going. Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. My other children are adults but they thought they lost their mom along with their brother because I was not there emotionally. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and cant adjust. Do I wont to be in a realationship again. Sleeping at night is very difacult. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. Just remember, its not a risk to fall in love; its a risk not to, and my opinion is that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. He was 47. My throat hurt so bad, I could hardly talk. I am now dating someone Ive known for 40 yrs. The first year was the hardest woke up crying and fell asleep crying. I went to grief counseling along with my youngest Son who was 13 at the time and Either we can learn from these . As hard as it still is I know I will see them again someday. He was my life and it feels over. Its not easy. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. Now, Im in year two and I feel like Ive awoke from a coma. I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. Changes in feeding times or even simply moving furniture around can cause further stress. How do I move on. I lost both my boys 2 years ago mike 38 april 20,2016 and chris 39 september 20, 2016, I cant get over the pain my heart is hurting so much.I just want tobe with them I am having flashbacks like it happened yesterday..shock and reality has set in. I pray that there is a heaven & I will see him again. Over time I get stronger and the boulder doesnt always feel so impossible. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. The first year was like being shipwrecked and all I could do was hang on to the wreckage and try to stay afloat as the storm raged around me. Its been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. It makes absolutely no sense now. All my siblings have their own families and Im just alone and only wish is to just see them both well again in each other arms to give them a big hug x, I too have just entered the 2nd year after losing my beloved husband of almost 30 years. I keep his ashes in a necklace that I would hurt someone over if ever tried to remove it from neck. married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a His wife passed away 20 years ago and he was left to raise 2 small boys. He was my everything. Why did he have to be taken away from me? It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. Someone once said you never get over it But I think I am doing ok in my grieving process, just grieving intensely right now. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. In my dreams, we are hanging out, talking, laughing, and we always acknowledge the fact that she has passed away. Im in a stage where Im desperatly trying to remember everything about the time we had together. My everything. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. Feeling lost and lonely, my upbringing makes me believe religiously, however I do have doubts, mainly feeling as if I was robbed (which I think is me being selfish). I will type a little should you come back here. All destroyed by diagnosis of lung spread to brain cancer just 2 days before our 2nd daughters wedding. Those, who simply tell you to move on have either not lost someone of such great meaning or perhaps, are incapable of such a relationship or are repressing their own losses. Love to all i feel your pain. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. I am now alone . Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I really dont like others to judge. Look for feathers its a sign there near you. - Unknown. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. She deserves a life filled with hope and happy times. Thirty years after I left school I met up with a group I'd been in the sixth form with that I'd not seen since I left - now we see each other every few months. She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you. She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. I hold onto all the I miss him so much. What should be our 17th wedding anniversary is in two days. A grieving cat may go off its food. I see little progress in me from when he first passed. Cry daily cannot stop crying. Gratitude is everything. My wife passed away march 13, 2015 after fighting cancer for almost 15 of the 16 years we were together. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. For a long time, fear of dropping the ball was governing my life. I lost my only child Rob on Thanksgiving 2016 to a heroin overdose. I am trying to live in hope that things will get better. Since I lost my son. We had 3 lovely children together. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. They then called us to get in the room where he was, he was there lying on the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses, he was hooked on tubes a lot of tubes with the machine that was pumping real hard, my oldest daughter that was with me was screaming, we love you so much dad, you can do this etc. Peace be with you all. To fast forward I have met a wonderful person. On December 1, 2016 my papa (grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. weight I lost prior to his death. I feel for all of you so much. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. It works. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. I feel totally broken, and none of my friends understand, they just get in with their lives in a way I can never do again. Fathers day. kyonkyon136. "Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply" - Zane Grey. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. I took time off work teaching to nurse her at home to the end. Nothing feels right anymore. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. I talk about her all the time, to anyone Im talking to, and Im slowly working on a book about our year together. It is almost relieving to have a physical representation of what is occurring on the inside. I managed him somehow . Previously I had had several sessions with myofascial therapy and that REALLY helped me release the anger and sorrow. Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. After being married 53 years I just have no idea what to do without him. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. . Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. Let the grief happen but look after yourself too. He was 84 & I am 65. Its as if Im forced to relieve him not ever coming back all the time exhausting, painful and heart wretching. Only after EMDR therapy was I able to move past its hold on me. Im in my 16 month. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. Eric, Im now at 27 months and he is still incredibly fresh in my thoughts everyday. A whole lifetime of wonderment , joy and happiness wiped out, all our tomorrows gone, all our yesterdays so painful to remember without him, it seems like so cannot cry any more, like a numbness has descended into my soul, no laughter no joy. read your post and it could a mirror of my life! I lost my uncle 11 months ago. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. After four years later I am now dealing with unresolved grief as well. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. We fought about it all the time and would say nasty things to each other among the lies etc. I am just pretending Im ok, so my family does not worry about me, as I know I got to be strong for them. I can talk about her normally without crying and the quiet and loneliness is deafening. I can talk to them. But I loved you, and always will. is worse the waves of gut wrenching Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . It seem hes moving farther & farther away I wish I could say I was moving closer to the time I will see him again, but his absence is absolutely crushing, and all I can see is that he is not here anymore my beloved guy. Javier Zarracina/Vox. Was told it would help. I did see a counselor. I speak to him every day! I can totally understand these feelings. Its been 2 years since my mom died. Why are you tormenting me like this?! But I realised life is to short. So these last few days when it hit me hard, he has been understanding and supportive, and knows why Im suddenly sleeping 9-10 hrs/night and hardly able to do anything during the day. I have been so sad lately; crying like it happened yesterday, asking, WHY again, unable to breatheand then I realized I was still experiencing the year of firsts.. this was the first year of no firsts.. My husband died 1 year ago. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. We were married for 45 years and I buried her ashes on our anniversary 23 Sept 2017. I have found that not everyone can understand and thats ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. We were and still are devastated. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. I dont dream or have visions that bring me peace. And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together Some relationships didnt make it. At 4 days old she came into my life as a bottle baby, I fought so hard to keep her alive, she defied the odds for 27 months. This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that its not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I dont share this to scare those who are in their very early days. I have been dating someone for six months now. Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. I dont like telling anyone how I feel because I think they But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasnt got a boyfriend dosnt wont to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. I cant escape it. I have less control in things than I thought I did. I will always keep part of him with me. She passed after 8 months. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. Guided meditation is so co forging and helpful to me! But here I am. Just what can I do? WHY? I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. She said if Im going to die. Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please? even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an I lost my husband 15 months ago. It's been 20 years since you passed. Am trying to make Xmas a happy time. Fighting for Surviving life minute by minute. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. Patience and gentle reflection can help you and your family heal from the pain of losing a pet. I will be 67 later this year. custom URL tracking provided But when they get close I bail out. Uthayanan SETHUPATHY. My family would like to bury his remains and I feel angry again . I HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE for my kids. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. She lived with me & my husband after my brother passed & I had to watch her suffer & die. Praying for peace. My whole life has been turned upside down. And his angles are looking over you. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. We married at age 19. Guess what? I am more aware of the many blessings I have & have learned to cherish every moment of my life. so be it . We are not supposed to understand. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. Holidays were never that great for me as my ex husband of 17 yrs left day before Xmas. I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). It has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges to my health and mental wellness. I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. If you're a painter, sculptor, or woodworker, create something each year. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because Im not only living for me. I have pictures of my late husband around the house I still miss him and so so loved him. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again. Strange to say but after reading all the comments I feel validated. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. I also did acupuncture in the ears to help with the grief. The truth that I was hurt and have been hurt for a while. But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. In 2015 something started to affect my wife of 32 years. This is my second year and I am having the same thoughts. The last year and a half was the hardest as she began to lose the fight. I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. Im old. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. My great uncle Moe Doerfler will be gone for 2 years on September 23rd and I sure miss him. We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. how nice it would be to have friends who are dealing with similar grief. I just want to be with him. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. Also. I have panic attacks. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. Hi, I,m in the second year of my husbands death. Maybe someone else's grief doesn't affect you in the same way or much at all. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done. This is good to know. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . I dont think Ill ever be ok again. Good luck to all of you. All I do is cry. Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. Noreen, Its just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. I was told the first year was the hardest As I come up to the end of the year I find myself getting more irrational daily. Its been two years coming up and the loss has gotten worst. " People often say that time heals all wounds. We cannot expect them to put on a show. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. I was her caregiver for her last six months. In March of this year, she said to me on are way to the hospital. I beg for him to come home every day. giver had to subdue all my feelings of pain. I went online and read countless stories from others. This thread started an hour after and on the day my wife Shellie passed. Forgive yourself. I needed to move on. The former Bachelor in Paradise star penned a . Hi, Ive only just come across this page after searching, Is it normal to still feel so much grief, 18 months into a loss of a loved one. I pray alot. I feel the same way about Clay. She has seen so much suffering. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. January 31st 2020 will be the 1st year of my honeys death. Every journey is unique and we just get through our own way. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. I always wonder if this normal. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But taking steps to understand your emotions and find support can . Dear Patricia, Thankyou for sharing. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said hell be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. So happy . Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. There are no words to describe the pain! I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. Approaching the second year of losing my 47 yo husband to Cancer. We all know that with life there is death. I do things everyday by myself now and its very painful, part of me is gone and will never get it back. I seem to be crying much more during the holidays. Take one day at a time, keep your own pace, and take care of yourself the way your spouse would if only they were here thats a great way to honour them. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. So. I just miss him so much words cannot describe. "Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sigh" - Rossiter Worthington . I can tell you the only thing that keeps me going day to day is not wanting my children or loved ones left behind to feel how I feel right now. I dont understand why! I could care less. I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. 1. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, its ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? To survive is just being alive- I am not living. We had no idea-didnt see the signs and Drs did not find things or look in right places. Remember the good times and know he would want you to live on and be happy. Feb 11, 2012 7:42 AM. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still cant believe he is gone. You are facing reality head due to your grief. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. All our plans for the future were dashed that cold rainy night in a hotel room. I wish you peace. I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. I totally understand, I also had to make this decision 2 years ago for my baby sister who I was caregiver of. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. I keep busy and that helps but I only have to look at his photo and that starts me off! I understand what you are going through. I dont think this grief will ever get better. it feels like there is no end. 6 more people passed including my father. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful I will feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. Never happy. I could come to him with anything, and he was always there for me. I dont know what to do.. creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. (pdf) Introduction Congress is fast approaching the need to take action on the nation's statutory debt limit, often referred to as the debt ceiling. My days run together, its the absolute worst heartache Ive ever experienced. He looked after us all and I want him back so I can look after him! Why is God so cruel? You are being really honest about your loss. Like he meant nothing. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24.its still hard to cope. -I am also 16 months on from losing the love of my life,knew her when we were 12 years old,but never got together until we were 31 years old ,god i miss her terribly she was my rock,I can actually say that time does heal a little bit,but as someone says to hold to kiss to hug one last time,we know also that wouldnt be enough dont we,i long to see her again hopefully i will,I think time does heal but i do not want to forget my wife , who knows what the future holds,but will never be the same,sory for my ramblings just found this site and every comment hits home god bless people xx, My husband of 45 years died 13 months ago. Finding him was torture. I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world. I sometimes want him to come into the room so badly that I almost believe he will, but then the futility of this hoping hits me and the excruciating desolation that I then feel has me screaming and screaming although no sound is coming out its all internalized. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. I do not belong in this world anymore. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her.
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