But sometimes its manipulative, as LW also said. Would it be possible for you in [date]. And it's a great way to know what's at the top of someone's mind. Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? I know it is super common usage as a general term for silly / disorganised but its actually an ablist term which a lot of people with disabilities have had thrown at them as a slur. When Im asked that question (by people other than DD), I usually go with Why do you ask?. D- Dearest relaxing days. Follow. This is such a common question, and I have a memory like a sieve, and once or twice replied Nothing much and accepted invitations which ended up double booking myself. That being said, in a couple of guys Ive dated in the last few years, Ive been amazed at how fast and how almost without me noticing they can go from planning and executing dates very well to somehow only being able to function if Im doing it. On the other hand, that was a while ago. I like why do you ask? as a pre-programmed autoresponse, because it leaves room for them to stay, just wondering if you have fun plans, or making conversation.. She's asking because she's interested in your plans specifically. Again with the caveat that you have to tell the person whom youve used as an excuse that youve done so! 1, It feels rude not to ask back. Yes, I know that is an inappropriate way to react. I have not observed him asking this many questions to other bank customers, not that I hang out in there much, and maybe they give him more satisfactory/interesting answers). If I were any better, I'd be you. A simple, 'We hope you're doing well' will suffice," a Deadline editor tweeted. Which has been said in other comments and is important enough to say again. (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. Alternately, I am sleeping the whole weekend. Nanani, that is absolutely true. I tell her every chance I get that Im grateful for all the emotional labor she does with categorizing her friend groups. In my experience small-talking cashiers/customer service people, giving them an opening to chat is the surest way to get out of having to fill the conversation myself. So I know what youre talking about. That way, he proudly announced, he never owed them a favor in return. Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Overworked and underpaid. I felt disliked, maybe undervalued, often embarrassed (and some of that came from my own brainweasles or ablism in broader society, not primarily my parents) but never unsafe. I would think that any event for which one needs to book a venue and/or hire a caterer would also be the sort of event to which one sends some sort of formal invitation, which is not really the case for the situations the LW describes. Or at least, it will be seen as rude by many people that I know and had had this conversation with. I just had a talk with my DD about this- she will text me do we have plans Saturday I usually respond with Why? Obviously we have a different relationship than a friend to friend thing. My MIL does thatshe asks DH if we can come to dinner, and he says, Ill have to ask Toots. Then she calls me and asks me, and I say, I have to ask DH. Really early on, she did this, and then laughed at my answer and said, I asked him, and he said he had to ask you. Vagueing it up works for me. It is trickery and so frustrating. Ah. And my mom thought I was like the most studious kid ever, because I knew that if I ever looked like I had free time, she would fill it with chores, so I always had some kind of project to work on (I did have the grades to back this up or it wouldnt have worked). Oh god then you might need to find less-jerky friends, probably. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. Ah. Not blond but like superwhite. Point 1 also notes that LW apparently finds the small-talk aspect unusually invasive ze doesnt wish to share zir plans at all, while many people consider this to be a low-stakes social bonding ritual. *I have some sympathy for her, in that Ive seen how this is gendered in our culture, of women being trained not to ask for what they want/need (possibly more than in western cultures? Ive got some stuff to do around the house, etc. @TootsNYC Just wanted to say that I really like the phrasing you spell out in your first comment, in that youre acknowledging that youre making a request for your daughters time and effort. They are asking whether you want to go on a date with them on Thursday. The people asking the question are rude and betraying their bigotry. I usually respond Why do you need to know? unless its someone I really trust. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. Well, have fun whatever you end up doing / decide to do. As such, I like to preface it with taking care of some stuff. Do you feel obligated to help hosting her party when she wants to invite her people over? What about you? For me, it was lack of basic adult civility and respect that was the death knell I didnt expect safety or that level of support after 18 and didnt feel wronged that it was not given. Instead, choose from these five replies. Eventually I got consistent work as a freelancer, something I could do from home even when I was in pain or needed oxygen etc. IMO the correct answer to we should get lunch some time or lets hang out is actually sure, Saturdays are generally good for me or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. Do you know the meaning of the weekend? I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. There are some funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for when your family keeps asking you the same dull questions. Then you can do x with/for me! just blatantly assuming that if you are free, then you will obviously want to do this thing. The person is saying something factually incorrect. You obviously dont have to do things any differently than you are, BUT if this conversation is frustrating and/or awkward, you may find that it goes more smoothly if you offer something up. BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. Ive had good luck with, Fantastic! because no matter what is happening to me, I am still fantastic in various ways. Can't complainI have tried, but no one listens. I can tell you out of personal experience that the constant repetition of this makes you feel a lot like you will never be fully accepted as part of the society/community you live in. and then if I do end up wanting to do whatever it is they want to do, suddenly my schedule cleared up! I think theres some ask culture vs. guess culture stuff in here too? This is probably part of why I am frustrated by this conversation, because by most conventional social norms, you are actually doing nothing wrong. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. Since LW was talking about very short-term questions, I certainly hope no one is asking because they need to tell the caterer! Also, again in the UK, if the person is literally asking, the emphasis will be strongly on are. A friend tricked me into agreeing to babysit her kid once using exactly that so what are you doing on X day approach. I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. I really enjoyed my years living in the American South, but I realized the day would never come when I wouldnt be seen as an outsider. You're not obligated to tell others your plans for the future, if you even have them. Its just one of the normal options. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. [I often go in around lunch time.] Source: Facebook. Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. Why do I feel entitled to her assistance with something I am doing for her grandmother & grandfather while she sits in her room and plays Minecraft? I suspect some of the people who are giving a vaguer yeah to the lets hang out have answered what they thought was an actual suggestion with Saturdays are good for me and gotten um, er, Im kind of busy these days, Ill call you and never hearing back. The Captain covered it with saying the question isnt going away. In fact there the joke of cant do that, I have to.. (silly excuse of having plans like go wash my hair) that day illustrating that sometimes the white lie of making up plans is an easy way to get out of doing something. Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? Published: August 09, 2021. Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. (Remember the FIRST part of what I saidthat Ive been careful to respect her autonomy since she was a teen. It's to funny for everybody. eh, my mother does that. Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. Remember, . The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. That's why this is one of the funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" that you should keep in mind. And Im sorry for that. Thats a great answer! What works for you? 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! And we do have fun and hang out occasionally. My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. Bear in mind that you may only ask where are you from once, but the person with the non-local accent is not unlikely to be asked multiple times a day, every single day for YEARS; and POC may be on the receiving end for their whole lives. "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.". Me: Dunno, but probably not. Oh, yes, white supremacy/racism in action. Acquaintances or co-workers get a vague answer, like, {5 words to say Im in/out of town or am/arent super booked}, then, What are you up to? because its really just small talk. Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? (FWIW, Im not that extreme myself. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. I honestly dont even know why people say it at all when Ive never seen a follow-up to it. Thats the way to go. Overwhelming majority of the time, someone who says why do you ask? wants to know why do you ask. Just make sure to follow these three rules for sending Tinder messages: Keep it PG-13, even on Tinder. When a friend asks and I find out that I am busy I often offer some other day to show them that I am interested in hanging out with them.
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